Topic sentence :
“Free Hugs Campaign” was the idea of Juan
Mann.
a.
Major
supporting sentence :
- He is a tall man with long black hair, sharp nose, and white complexion.
Minor supporting sentence :
- Based on the
video, he was wearing glasses and just simple clothes, we can
see from the video when he held the campaign.
b.
Major
supporting sentence :
- Juan began the campaign by himself.
Minor supporting sentence :
- He brought nothing, just the sign.
-
With his
smile he just walked slowly and sometimes turning around to look at the people.
- He keep doing that while put the “Free Hugs” sign high.
c.
Major
supporting sentence :
- At first, no one response for what he did.
Minor supporting sentence :
- People just stared right through him.
- They might thought that the man was an abnormal. (This sentence must be
like this “They might think that the man was an abnormal.
Major supporting sentence :
- A few
minutes later, an elder woman approached and asked for a hug from the man.
Minor
supporting sentence :
- Soon
after that, more people come and give their hug to the man.
Major
supporting sentence :
- More
people participated at the campaign.
Minor supporting sentence :
- No
matter where they came from. No matter old or young.
- Together, just hug each other.
Major
supporting sentence :
- It became more crowded where there was a sign of free hugs.
Minor supporting sentence :
- But the thing was not all of the people there respect for this campaign.
Major
supporting sentence :
- For some reason, the free hugs campaign was banned by the police.
Minor supporting sentence :
- They may thought this would be disturb the public view because it was
uncommon.
Major
supporting sentence :
- Even if
the man tried to explain, it made no sense for the police.
Minor supporting sentence :
- Because of that, the people put their big attention.
i. Major
supporting sentence :
- They made a petition and collect the signatures of every people who did
participate and support for this action as much as possible.
Minor supporting sentence :
- Again,
offering smile and they brought list of signatures.
- Unbelievable, they could reach the target of
the signatures.
- Ten thousand signatures to support this free hugs campaign.
- Finally, the police give in and allowed for
this campaign held, even one of the police officer hug a woman who brought the
sign. (I put this sentence into minor supporting, because it still relate with
major of the sentence in which it is the result of major supporting sentence)
Concluding sentence :
- In the end, we see the light that the main point of the video of Free
Hugs Campaign is how we build togetherness among us.
Comment
in general :
In general, the paragraphs already
full fill the criteria become of a good paragraph. From the paragraphs
checklist, these paragraphs almost full fill the entire checklist with a little
bit mistakes. Actually, I love this paragraph because it simples and easy to
understand about the topic by her view.
The organization of this paragraph
is very good. I found a topic sentence in this paragraph. The sentence
structures also express the complete thought like the sentences have at least
one subject and verb. The paragraphs also explain about the topic by using
steps in time order. But, I found a mistake in the last paragraph. I think she
should be careful when she used time signal like finally and in the end,
because these time signal are used to say something at the end of the
paragraph. I think the sentences must be “Then, the police give in and allowed for this campaign held, even one of the
police officer hug a woman who brought the sign. Finally, we see the
light that the main point of the video of Free Hugs Campaign is how we build
togetherness among us.”
I really like Candra’s dictions
because she used simple words and sentences to express her feeling about the
topic (Free Hug Campaign). But, I found a mistake in this sentence “They might thought that the man was an abnormal.” This sentence must be like this “They might think that the man was an abnormal.” Grammar
and mechanic of the paragraph is quiet good and she did it in detail. The
paragraphs already used the capital letters in appropriate sentences and the
period at the end of all sentences.
